Can't even reconcile how on earth I am back to were I started at originally, but to be fair I have had the shittiest 18 months of my life. And I desperately tried to drown it all out with skipping out to any and every socialisling thingy me bob I could find anything to distract myself from the pain. I guess I spent most of it numbed anthesised from the reality. In turn I lost a lot of my natural motivation and momentum for activity .. just doing whatever it was that numbed me, rather than that which made me buzz and feel excited to be alive. Well the inevitable still happened despite the worry stress grief, nothing changed it, trying to blind yourself to reality is no cure. And now, I have to start again, or face a terrible destruction.